This Just In… Australia Hates The Human Race
So here is the deal…I understand we love robots. I understand they are used for a lot of great things, such as acting in the film Rocky 4. But here is the thing…why must we tempt fate and make references to The Terminator whenever we make a “smart” robot. Take a look at this article [...]
Times Are Tough: Darth Vader Resorts To Robbing Banks In Long Island… No, Really
Patrons at a local Chase bank in Long Island were shocked when Darth Vader entered and then drew a gun at the teller demanding cash. Vader was dressed in his mask, cape and… ummm… camouflage pants. It’s sad when you once ran the empire and now you can’t even afford pants that match your cape… [...]
Australia: Now With More Ninja?
So apparently Crocodile Dundee is not the only knife wielding protector of Australia. Who knew? There are ninjas in Australia…and they protect college students. Hooray!
Apparently some exchange student was getting mugged and stuff, and the ninjas came out and cut everyone’s heads off and shit. Read about it HERE. I’ll wait… Oh you’re back. Awesome [...]
WTF: New Lizard Discovered With Two Dicks
A new breed of lizard has been discovered that has 2 dicks… two fucking dicks! Looks like I just found the perfect gift for those chicks with the 2 vaginas…
Unlike the fearsome Dragon, it is not a carnivore, nor does it feast on rotting meat. Instead, it is entirely peaceable and tucks [...]
Just Like Weekend At Bernie’s…But More German
So, let’s see….Here’s a story from the UK about a wife and a step daughter, trying to put a dead man on a plane. The claim is that they thought he was just sleeping.
Look ladies, it’s obvious what you were trying to do here. Recreate Weekend At Bernie’s… Well, we all know how that [...]
WTF? Is This The Most Powerful Amputee In The World?
So apparently Mr. Jacoby Smith beat up his quadruple amputee girlfriend in self-defense.
Really man? Really. I guess in desperation you will try anything to stay out of jail, but is it worth lying so that you become the guy who got his ass kicked by not only a girl, but one with NO [...]
WTF: Moviegoer gets stabbed with a meat thermometer for shushing woman on cell phone
Yeah the headline of this post basically says it all…
Laist via KTLA says…
A man was stabbed in the neck with a meat thermometer after asking a woman to silence her cell phone in a movie theater, a sheriff’s department official said. Deputies say that while the movie was playing, a woman was talking [...]
WTF: Woman Punches Drive-Thru Clerk, Demands McNuggets For Breakfast
Look, I can understand a passionate love for some food of the fast nature. There have been times that I wanted to throw myself through a Chipotle window after hours just to get my hands on a delicious burrito bowl and lime chips… but it wouldn’t make any sense… because I would go to jail… [...]
Ninja Sighting! and other news you didn’t know you need to know
A POOR EXCUSE FOR A NINJA tried to scale a 5 foot fence and ended up falling and impaling himself on it instead. The story has nothing to do with a pirate but I’m just a big fan of the pic above. here
HOMELESS CANNIBALS were busted for selling human corpses to a kebab [...]
WTF: Real Life Freaking Popeye
Talk about determination. This dude is so set on kicking some arm-wrestling ass that he worked the fuck out of just one of his arms to give him a freakishly crazy advantage in the sport… either that, or he’s just making good use out of a major masturbation addiction.
WATCH THE VID
Not As Sad: Girl Not Really Crippled By Flu Shot
Sooooooooo, yeah. Remember when I wrote about this girl the first time? Well look, I am not a fucking doctor (Unless you need one of those breast exams. Then I am. I have business cards and everything. Call me. ) so you can’t blame me for finding a story that multiple [...]
What’s the best time to grab a nurse’s boob? In the delivery room, of course.
A dude in Utah (pictured above) actually missed the birth of his own child because he got arrested for squeezing some nurse titty right before the baby popped out.
Police said Adam Manning sexually assaulted the nurse as she wheeled his wife into the delivery room. The 30 year old had told the nurse she [...]
Passenger Accidentally Ejects Himself Out Of Plane
Some poor dude in South Africa accidentally triggered the ejection lever in an airplane he was riding in and shot himself out of a plane.
The novice flier instantly shot through the jet’s perspex canopy and was blasted 100 metres into the sky by the rocket-powered emergency chair.
The dude survived, but something I find weird is [...]
Holy Crap, I Think They Might Need To Coin The Phrase GREATER White Shark
What the fuck is going on here??? That is a picture of a huge ass Great White Shark that has been virtually bit in half by an even huger asser shark out there in the waters of Queensland, Australia. No bueno, folks… no bueno at all.
The DailyMail story gets some scientists to weigh [...]
The Governator Is One Sneakily Awesome Bastard: Inserts F YOU Into Formal Letter
People talk allot of trash on our Governor. He can’t run the government. He can’t balance the budget. He can’t even say California.
Shut it I say! One thing this mofo can do, is put out the best veto explaination that I have ever seen… granted, it’s the only veto explanation I’ve [...]
Super Committed To Celebrating Halloween
In Marina Del Rey some poor 75 year old bastard thought it necessary to blast himself in the eyeball and kill himself. His body ended up slumping over in a chair on his balcony, so people just thought it was a Halloween display. FOR DAYS! Read the gory (zing!) details HERE.
In other news I [...]
Need A Squirrel Chasing Partner? Kidnap An Autistic Kid
So a drunk dude was lonely and desperately in need of a partnering in crime to chase after squirrels, so like any of us would do, he found the nearest autistic kid and kidnapped him to join in on the festivities (which included picking up a pay check and attending a church mission… quite similar [...]
Holy Roller: A Good Solution For Stoners On A Budget
So, take a look at this article. It tells the tale of a young 16 year old in Ohio, that decided to smoke some weed in his bedroom, and got caught. So his mom called the cops on him and had him arrested at a car wash. I am not sure why they [...]
Holy Crap: Actual Dwarf Village With Mushroom Houses
There’s times in my life when I question if God is really out there listening or even cares about any of my hopes and dreams. Then I read a news story about an actual freaking Dwarf Village and my faith is renewed. It’s in Kunming, China and they actually built mushroom houses to [...]
Badass Grandpa Tackles Robber
This grandpa rules. I have no problem admitting that I would volunteer to shit myself in the corner while a dude who potentially has a gun or a knife robs a bank of oodles of cash. Gramps, over here, though, is a badass.
Jesus Still Loves You If You Get Divorced, Just Not As Much As Before
A dude out of Sacramento by the name of John Marcotte has created the
2010 California Marriage Protection Act to make divorce illegal in California and is currently gathering signatures to get it on the ballot. The Act was created to mock Prop 8 and it’s declaration of wanting to protect marriage. Well what [...]
Nerds Will Effin’ Kill You!
This is a story I’m sure we can all relate to. Ya know, you are just a random college student, sleeping comfortably in your bed. You hear a noise that wakes you up. Earlier that day you had your XBOX and a laptop stolen, so you are on edge. You grab [...]
Best.Flight.Ever.
Dude, seriously. Why does stuff like this never happen to me?
Apparently on a flight from Bangalore to Heathrow (huh???) some rich British chick by the name of Clare Irby got super loaded on red red wine (makes me feel so fine) and stripped down to her G-string. Then she let the dude next to [...]
Too Dumb To Marry: Woman Banned From Saying “I Do”
WTF UK? So this lad and lassie (who might be from the eighties, I’m not sure) can’t get married in Great Britain because social workers feel the woman is too mentally deficient to be married.
Now I’m not trying to be a dick here, but ummm… how fucking stupid do you have to be that authorities [...]
