A man was stabbed in the neck with a meat thermometer after asking a woman to silence her cell phone in a movie theater, a sheriff’s department official said. Deputies say that while the movie was playing, a woman was talking on her phone and the victim asked her to turn it off.
The victim was attacked by the woman’s boyfriend and another man.
What the fuck is wrong with people? And who the fuck carries around a meat thermometer??? I mean, besides me. But I don’t stab you in the throat with mine… it’s more of a present to your mouth.
[kudos to m@ for the find who insists his meat thermometer is strictly rectal]
Look, I can understand a passionate love for some food of the fast nature. There have been times that I wanted to throw myself through a Chipotle window after hours just to get my hands on a delicious burrito bowl and lime chips… but it wouldn’t make any sense… because I would go to jail… putting me the furthest away from possibly getting the sweet meal I desired and closer to having a man’s balls on my face. Wait a sec… maybe deep down inside, this story isn’t about this woman’s struggle for nuggets, but merely a cry for help to have someone put his balls on her face. Is that too much to ask people? Have a heart.
A POOR EXCUSE FOR A NINJA tried to scale a 5 foot fence and ended up falling and impaling himself on it instead. The story has nothing to do with a pirate but I’m just a big fan of the pic above. here
HOMELESS CANNIBALS were busted for selling human corpses to a kebab house in Russia. I’m not sure what’s grosser… the fact that these homeless people were cannibals or the fact that a kebab house was buying meat from freaking homeless people. here
THE DUTCH USE SHIT to power homes. I use shit to throw at people. here
TWO IDIOT STONERS got busted for doing/selling pot when they called the cops to report that some of their pot had been stolen. Not surprising really. here
Talk about determination. This dude is so set on kicking some arm-wrestling ass that he worked the fuck out of just one of his arms to give him a freakishly crazy advantage in the sport… either that, or he’s just making good use out of a major masturbation addiction.
Sooooooooo, yeah. Remember when I wrote about this girl the first time? Well look, I am not a fucking doctor (Unless you need one of those breast exams. Then I am. I have business cards and everything. Call me. ) so you can’t blame me for finding a story that multiple news sources talked about that totally seemed legit and posting it. Well it turns out that this chick’s sickness MIGHT TOTALLY BE IN HER HEAD and have nothing to do with her getting a flu shot… which is pretty fucking crazy.
This smart guy over at Science Blogs (yes, that is a real place) talks about how all the things didn’t add up with the story, and also how the people against vaccines are jumping on board to “save” this girl. But the blog says that doctors have seen this before and it just clears itself up at some point… no treatment… the brain just is all “Ok ok, that shit was pretty funny, but I won’t make you be all fucked up anymore. Just playing, yo. Let’s still be friends”.
So to make the sad sadder, now she is going to have a bunch of fake doctors telling her they can cure her (one dude offers injections of URINE… yup, pee pee), when really it may be that her body is just going to correct itself over time. If this theory about this chick’s disorder is correct than that is pretty fucked up. Not as fucked up as the time I told that girl she didn’t need a flu shot because I would provide her with “Peen in the Butt” injections to cover her for all of flu season. Actually she never did get the flu, so you tell me why I shouldn’t market these shots…
A dude in Utah (pictured above) actually missed the birth of his own child because he got arrested for squeezing some nurse titty right before the baby popped out.
Police said Adam Manning sexually assaulted the nurse as she wheeled his wife into the delivery room. The 30 year old had told the nurse she was “cute” then reached round to grab her breasts.
And the dude’s baby momma was even cool with it!
Police said Manning had first tried to touch the nurse’s neck before launching the sex assault. ‘After the second time, the nurse asked what he was doing,’ Draper said. ‘The wife responded that he was just drunk.’
I commend this guy. I mean, you can’t get a little thing like child-birth cock block you. Plus your impregnated girlfriend lets the nurse know that you put out. Really I don’t understand why more guys don’t do this. Or why I don’t have a girlfriend… (tear).
Some poor dude in South Africa accidentally triggered the ejection lever in an airplane he was riding in and shot himself out of a plane.
The novice flier instantly shot through the jet’s perspex canopy and was blasted 100 metres into the sky by the rocket-powered emergency chair.
The dude survived, but something I find weird is that the news report makes sure to note that he survived. Ummmm… is that really surprising? Granted it’s a crazy situation that must have really freaked him and the pilot out, but ummmmm… maybe I’m just a fucking whacko here, but wouldn’t the purpose of an ejection seat in a plane be to escape a plane that’s crashing, so you can, ya know… live. Thus, him surviving shouldn’t be all that shocking, right?
In other news, there were reports of a massive amount of human fecal matter trickling from the sky over parts of South Africa…
What the fuck is going on here??? That is a picture of a huge ass Great White Shark that has been virtually bit in half by an even huger asser shark out there in the waters of Queensland, Australia. No bueno, folks… no bueno at all.
The DailyMail story gets some scientists to weigh in on the situation…
‘Whatever attacked and took chunks out of this big shark must be massive,’ said 19-year-old surfer Ashton Smith. ‘I’ve heard about the big one that’s lurking out there somewhere.
Oh wait… nevermind. Ashton Smith, the 19-year-old surfer’s revelation that the shark must have been “massive” and that he’s “heard” about this shark before is way more important of an insight than from, say, a professional.
People talk allot of trash on our Governor. He can’t run the government. He can’t balance the budget. He can’t even say California.
Shut it I say! One thing this mofo can do, is put out the best veto explaination that I have ever seen… granted, it’s the only veto explanation I’ve ever seen, but that’s neither here nor there, soo piss off.
So yeah… Arnold veto’d a bill and included a secret FUCK YOU to the writer of the bill. Pretty awesome.
You probably won’t notice it at first, but it’s in there… and it’s totally legit because you can download the letter directly from the state’s website here
I heard he had the same thing written into the thank you letter to the screenwriter of Jingle all the Way
In Marina Del Rey some poor 75 year old bastard thought it necessary to blast himself in the eyeball and kill himself. His body ended up slumping over in a chair on his balcony, so people just thought it was a Halloween display. FOR DAYS! Read the gory (zing!) details HERE.
In other news I carved a pumpkin and put it on my porch. I guess some people just like to one up you on decorations.
I'm a filmmaker based out of good ol Hollywood, Ca. This here blog showcases my work as well as the random pop culture crap I find when wasting my time online. I love chipotle and uno. I hate people who sweat too much. If that's you. I'm sorry, but I hate you.
